ssb blog

July 20, 2004
Hey there Kids. Yes, it's me. Your old pal SideShow Bennie. I want to welcome everyone to my new blog. I have switched from the newsletter format that we used in 'Nailed by SSB' to this easier to update format. With the newsletter I was always waiting to get enough info to put one together. With this set up, I can write about things as they happen and while they are still fresh and get them up within a day or two of the event. You will be able to see where I am and what I am doing in this great wide country of ours. There will be show news and reviews of roadside attractions. Are you lucky, or what?
I hope you enjoy the new format and that you will come back often to see what is on my mind at any given time. I promise that I will stay away from most controversial topics such as religion, politics and the designated hitter rule although the religion and politics thing is pretty flexible if someone or something in either of those fields get under my skin. For the most part, it will be a place for you to keep up with my usual antics and shenanigans.
So curl up with your computer and have fun. And if you haven't signed the guestbook, what are you waiting for?

July 22, 2004
As you can imagine, I get calls with a lot of ‘unusual’ gig offers. I have worked a redneck/trucker honky tonk, performed beside the swimming pool at a Hilton Hotel while kids were swimming, done a show at a sculpture studio while the sculptors were pouring molten iron into molds, performed at Fetish Night at a local swingers club while folks were getting flogged at the other end of the room and other folks were jumping into nekkid piles in the next room and was the opening act for a band claiming to be the original Frankie Goes To Hollywood at a club where 2 people were murdered the week before.
The call came in from my agent, Stephen King. (Yes, he is THE Stephen King but not THE Stephen King that you are thinking about)
“I have an unusual gig that you might be interested in.”
Of course he had my attention.
“How would you feel about being a judge at the Midwest Comedy Festival in Kansas City, MO. They are not offering a paycheck but they will cover all of your expenses including travel expenses.”
The first thing I thought was that Kansas City was the only BBQ capitol of the U.S. that I had not been to yet. I have eaten BBQ in Memphis, Texas and the Carolinas but I have never eaten BBQ in Kansas City. All expenses paid and I wasn’t booked on those dates? Count me in!! It didn’t matter that I have never judged a comedy competition before. Steve and I were going to be the “East Coast representatives” at the comedy festival. It sounded like a great time waiting to be had and an opportunity to gorge on BBQ.
I didn’t know what to expect in Kansas City but whatever I expected didn’t match the reality of the place. It is a beautiful city with public art everywhere and more fountains than any other city in the world other than Paris. And BBQ joints everywhere.
We met Steve at the hotel on Thursday afternoon. After our first BBQ meal (which was at L.C.’s BBQ and was damned fine), we went to the club to get our instructions for the evening and to get the lay of the land. We pulled up in front of The Atlantic Starr club and noticed that everyone milling about outside was black. Now that is not an issue but I asked Steve if we were judging a Def Jam Comedy festival. He said he didn’t know but did admit that the guys who booked us for the gig were named Tidy and T Lee.
We walked in the club and two things struck me. It was a beautiful room, buzzing with activity and we were the only caucasians in the place.
Once I got used to being the minority, we settled in and got ready to judge the comedians. There were to be 8 comics a night and our job was to choose the best 4 on Thursday and Friday and then the 8 winners would come back on Saturday and a winner would be chosen by the audience.
I am happy to say that the overwhelming majority of the comedians the 3 nights I spent at the club were tremendous. Excellent material, good stage presence and they worked the crowd like masters. Of course, there were a few really crappy ones, which made my job really easy. The club also fronted all of our cocktails which made our job easier as well. Everyone is funnier when the gin & juice is on the house.
There were also acts in between the comics. A female dance trio called Infinity, which was an appropriate name since the Hotness these three exuded was pretty much infinite. There was a vocal quartet called, Event, that was good. There were bands and singers and they all were quite good. And there was Sony recording artist, Courtney, and her 2 dancers. Eye-Yi-Yi. These girls danced like their back had no bones. They made Bennie’s pants want to get up and dance and then end up in a pile on the floor. I need a smoke...
Choosing the 8 winners for the two nights was pretty tough but we managed to do it. But after the competition Saturday night, and a 8 way tie for first was declared, I wondered why I had bothered to come. Then I remembered. BBQ!!
Of all the BBQ consumed that weekend I have to say that Gates BBQ won the competition. There are several locations around Kansas City and if you are ever in that fine city, Gates is the place all the locals go. The prices are good and the portions are huge. The BBQ ribs were excellent, the beef brisket was possibly the best I have ever had, the pulled pork was tender and juicy and the BBQ ham was weirdly delicious. Memphis still has my vote for the best BBQ in the USA but Kansas City is knocking on the door and is a very close second.
So to sum up; the comedians to keep an eye out for were D.L. Freeman (the only female comic of the weekend), LaVanteur, Chad Thornberry, Nifty, Davey Day and Just Jay and when you think Kansas City BBQ, think Gates BBQ.

8/8/04
I had intended to add another installment to this running blog last week but last week turned out to be a very strange week and blogging just got shoved to the back burner.
It started on Monday when I went out to take the Bennie-Mobile to get a brake job. Now I had just had a brake job last October (America Brake in Portage, Indiana can kiss my side show ass. I have had to have the brakes repaired twice since they worked on it so I have nothing good to say about them. Rat Brake Bastards) I digress...
When I got to the car, I was already in a bit of a foul mood because of the brake job. It got worse when I noticed that the glove compartment was open and then I noticed the gaping hole in my dash where my new radio used to be. My car had been violated by some low-life thieving SumBeeyatch who deserves an extra hot spot in Hell and and extra sharp pitchfork in their ass. They broke the dash, stole the radio and my radar detector, which is a necessity for a road warrior like myself.
I alerted the authorities. The policeman came and we filled out all the proper paperwork and he got several other calls while he was working on my case. Apparently the thieves had a busy night. He offered no hope of ever getting my stuff back and I harbored no illusion that it would be any different. Dammit!!
Tuesday morning I got a call from the police. They thought they had recovered my stolen property. WHAAAA?!?!?! They wondered if I could come identify my stuff so I made a dixie beeline to the police department. Sure enough, there was my radio and my radar detector stashed in amongst a lot of other apparently purloined evidence. I asked how they caught the perps and he grinned sheepishly and said, "luck. Just plain old luck."
Someone had reported a car driving recklessly and when the motorcycle officer caught them, they were smoking a green leafy substance and were promptly arrested. When the car was searched, the trunk was packed with other people's stuff. The police took out 37 warrants on these bastards. I was as giddy as a schoolgirl...
The officer who arrested the criminals came into the room and I thanked him. He was asked by the other officer to identify some "evidence" that was backlogged. One of the envelopes had a very large bag of the same green leafy substance that had no identifying marks on it. He said that it was "a bag of weed that I used to train one of the police dogs and it can be flushed." He asked the other officer to witness him flushing and since he was working on my paperwork, I was recruited as an official witness. So I watched a duly authorized representative of the law flush a fat bag of pot down the yawning maw of the porcelain altar as though it were a love offering to some wacked out, hippie deity. I found the whole procedure...interesting.

So here I sit, with my radio back in its proper place in my car and the sad excuse of human flotsam languishing in the local pokey. Life is back to being reasonably reasonable.

8/23/04
I got an email a couple of weeks ago from someone off one of the online side show discussion groups. Damn!
Gretchen Worden died recently after a short illness.
I read it several times trying to let it sink in. I had trouble grasping the reality of a world without Gretchen in it. I didn't like that reality in the least.
Gretchen was the director of the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia and a big side show fan. She was close friends with James Taylor and Kathleen Kotcher from Shocked And Amazed magazine and it was James who recommended she come see my act a few years ago. She came up to me after the show and introduced herself and a more delightful person you would never want to meet. She invited me to let her give me a behind the scenes tour of the Mutter and I still talk about that to this day. We exchanged the occasional email and whenever I played Philly, if she was in town, she was there.
She was an amazing, vibrant, cheerful and wonderful woman who left way the hell too soon.

Last week I got another email from a friend. I had just as much trouble grasping this one. Damn!
Jerry Ralph died after a short illness.
I have known Jerry since we were both 10 years old and we were the two new city kids entering a country redneck school at the same time. Jerry and I got chummy and since he also lived in the neighborhood, we spent a lot of time at each other's houses. We were in the Boy Scouts together and we graduated high school together and had stayed in contact through all the ensuing years.
I saw Jerry a couple of months ago and he was the absolute picture of health. We talked for 10 or 15 minutes, catching up on what had been going on, and then we parted to go about our evening. A few weeks later, he entered the hospital with, what was described in the email as, "a very aggressive form of cancer" and two weeks later, he was gone.

Gretchen and Jerry never met but they had a lot in common. Both of them were in their 50's (Jerry turned 50 this year and Gretchen was a young 57). Neither of them ever married. They both lived incredibly rich and full lives. The made a lot of difference in a lot of lives, including mine.
And it hurts that they are both gone.

I hope I never hear the phrase, '...after a short illness" again.